Marriage Breakfast & Workshop

Earnest and Roline are the presenters for Second Baptist Church's Marriage Ministry Breakfast and Workshop on Saturday, November 10, 2012, 9 am - 12 pm, Rev. Kevin Kelly, pastor. They will be discuss topics couples usually ignore and/or are don't know how to approach.

Relationship 101: Where are the Good Men?

Earnest and Roline Thomas

We’ve heard many women ask the question, “where are the good men?” In this present day, we understand the concern. There are men in prisons, men struggling with homosexuality, men with children from multiple women, men unemployed, and men choosing to remain single. Certainly there is not a shortage of men, however, there is a shortage of men who are ready to be husbands.  So where are the good men? Exploring Genesis 2:15-20, the careful observer discovers principles which good men should possess.

God created Adam a man, but He had to prepare him to be a husband. We find Adam working and managing the Garden of Eden.  Through the assignment of cultivating the Garden, God taught Adam responsibility. Every day Adam went to work. This work may have seemed mundane and tedious, but the job was very much needed. There is nothing glamorous about being responsible but it is an integral part of being a good leader. Adam proved to be a RESPONSIBLE leader before becoming a husband.  If a man does not display responsibility before marriage, don’t expect a responsible husband after saying “I do.”

Adam avoided eating from the tree of good and evil as commanded by God. With this lesson God established boundaries for Adam. The lesson was simple. If Adam would not respect God, his creator, He would not be able to respect God’s creation—his wife. A successful marriage is one where husband and wife respects the boundaries of that relationship. These boundaries include protecting your marriage from intruders which may come in the form of infidelity, interfering family members, and meddlesome friends. Adam showed RESPECT to God’s command. If a man does not display respect before marriage, don’t expect a respectful husband after saying “I do.”

Lastly, Adam models the idea that first and foremost fellowship with God brings one from being a man to a good man. Adam had a relationship with God where he heard God’s voice and responded in obedience. God then blessed him with a human relationship. Looking into the Master’s classroom we learn if our spiritual relationship with God is out of whack, our human relationships will be out of whack. After exhibiting responsibility and respect, God created in Adam a desire and need for a permanent human relationship. A “player” can be responsible and respect God, but he may not see the need for a relationship with one woman. Just because he has a good job, opens the door for you, leads in the church, studies the Bible, and pays his child support that does not make him ready for marriage. Adam willfully decided upon a one God, one woman RELATIONSHIP. If a man is not faithful to his relationship with God and you before marriage, don’t expect a faithful relationship from your husband after saying “I do.

All the development of Adam was done before he could ever lay his eyes on a woman. Adam was ready for a woman, but, Eve was not ready for the man because she hadn’t been formed yet. Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." It is the man’s job to find a wife. This means a woman is shaped into a wife before a man ever finds her. And, before marriage, she sees her husband as her head and leader. She is already submissive.

Perhaps, you have not captured the eye of a "good man" because you have not become a wife. God could still be shaping you.

DON’T BELIEVE THE LIE - Arguing

Most of us were told "when you get married, you ARE going to argue.” The first year of my marriage, I endeavored to be the undefeated argument champion in my home. I didn’t seek to resolve conflict, I desired to WIN! After all, isn’t MY WAY THE WAY TO DO IT? So I thought!

A marriage is to glorify God. Marriage is to be a reflection of the relationship of Christ and the universal church. Keeping these two points in mind do you think you are glorifying God when you argue with your spouse? Do you think Christ argues with his people? Nowhere in the Bible do we see Jesus getting into an arguing match, so if Christ is our example of how to conduct ourselves, who are we patterning ourselves after when we argue in our marriage?

When a person tells you that you will argue in married, DON'T BELIEVE THAT LIE! It is a lie of the enemy. We must be careful of what we allow people to deposit in our spirit. If you believe you are going to argue you will argue, for the Bible says as a man think in his heart so is he.

The Bible does not tell us that couples are to argue. Conversely, it commands us to give respect to one another, to love one another, to be patient with one another , and to encourage one another. So why are we Christians buying into the lie?

As a couple, you both must agree to never argue again. God can give you that peace. I have been married to my husband for 19 years, with the last 18 being argument free!

The Bible says "Be angry and sin not" (Eph. 4:26). We have to learn to control our anger and not allow our anger to control us. Getting into yelling matches is losing control.

Yes, we will disagree as a couple on issues, however, a disagreement does not give cause to an argument.

I'm Still Pastor Thomas' Wife!

Written Dec. 24, 2008

Although I have been preaching for the last 9 years, a month ago I officially received my license to preach the Gospel. Although for seven years, I fled from the call, my lifestyle and walk has reflected the call for well over a decade.

Rewind back 7 months–In May 2007, twelve women were selected by my Pastor to begin a special training course for women called to preach. For the next 10 months, we would meet weekly and be trained in our area of ministry through classes where we were not only instructed by also given homework assignments. Then, in March 2008, the nine of us that remained were presented to the church and from that day forward we sat with the other ministers in the designated area and were allowed to serve just as the other male ministers of the church.

Since March, I have sat with the ministers, and sometimes I would sit where I always sat prior to my “coming out”—in the pew designated for Associate Pastors Wives. After all, I’m still Pastor Thomas’ wife.

On a Sunday after receiving my license, I went to sit in the area reserved for the Associate Pastors wives. When I got to my seat, a member said to me “I was surprised that you came here to sit.” She was making reference to the fact that I am now a minister, and from her tone, she led me to believe that I had changed. My response to the woman was “I may be a minister but I’m still Pastor Thomas’ wife!”

Years ago, when I began walking in my call, I inwardly changed. The licensing certified publicly what had already taken place privately. The woman’s comment made me ponder two self-evaluating question, “What has changed between now and my acknowledgement of the call?” and “What has not changed between now and my acknowledgement of my call?”

The latter of the two was easier to answer. What HAS NOT changed:
I’m still Roline ThomasI’m still married to Pastor Thomas.
I’m still a mother.
I’m still a grandmother.
I’m still a friend.
I still love the Lord.
I still love to preach.
I still love serving others.
I’m still actively involved in several ministry of my church.
I still love gumbo.

So, what HAS changed? That’s tough, because the license came years after the call. Has my attitude change? Has my relationships changed? Certainly each day my relationship with God has changed—I’m closer to Him today than I was yesterday. But really what has changed? Perhaps those closest to me can help me with that answer. Ahhhh, the lightbulb goes off—-It’s not me that has changed it’s the people around me that has change. Why?—their perception of me has changed. The way others view me has changed. With the call becomes change—perhaps a change in you, but watch out for the change in others. They are the ones who begin to look at you differently and treat you differently. Be careful that their changed view of you doesn’t change you.

Don’t Hate the Haters

“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to them that hate you, pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you.-Matthew 5:44

In John 8:1-11, we find the story of the woman caught in adultery. She was used as a pawn in the religious leaders, who hated Jesus, attempt to discredit Jesus’ ministry.

The nameless woman was caught in the very act of adultery. While Jesus was teaching to a large crowd in the temple, a group of men, scribes and Pharisees, pushed their way through the crowd and sat the woman in the midst of the people. The men did not desire to bring justice upon this woman, but to accuse Jesus. Their plan failed, and Jesus extended grace and mercy to the woman.

Here’s the irony; the enemies of Jesus were the ones who brought the woman to where she needed to be. This woman needed to be in the presence of the One who could deliver her. She needed to be in the presence of the One who could heal her. She needed to be in the presence of the One who could save her. It was the haters who carried the woman to where she needed to be!

Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to them that hate you, pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you”. If it wasn’t for your enemies, maybe you would not have turned to God. If it wasn’t for opposition, maybe you wouldn’t pray to God. Your enemies have a way of running you to God. Enemies have a way of pushing you towards God.

God makes our enemies our footstool (Psalm 110:1). Footstools helps us to reach high places. Footstools helps us to obtain things that were out of our reach. Footstools takes us up. Footstools are under our feet! Footstools are useful. Enemies are useful!

It was the enemies that got the woman off her back and placed her on her feet. It was the enemies who pushed the woman through the crowd to the Blessor. The enemies were up to no good by pretending to do good, but ended up doing a good deed for this woman. The woman who felt worthless discovered her worth. The woman who felt guilty is now counted as not guilty.

Don’t hate your haters. They are working for your good. Instead of hating them, send them a thank you card appreciating their effortless work of getting you closer to God.

Earnest and Roline guest Speakers Friday, Feb. 12th

Singles Event - Pastor & Min. Thomas are guest panelist

Where have all the good men gone……

Sisters are always wondering where are all the good men. Allow me to give you something to mull over.

In the beginning (Gen. 2:15-20), we see Adam working and taking care of the garden. Man was RESPONSIBLE. He had to become responsible as a single before he could take on the responsibility of marriage. He avoided the forbidden tree, so we see that he RESPECTED the things of God. If a man doesn't respect the things of God, he certainly won’t respect a woman. Lastly he felt the need for a meaningful RELATIONSHIP with another human. After naming all of the animals, Adam didn’t see another “like him.” A player can be responsible and respect God, but he doesn’t see the need for a relationship with ONE woman.

Don’t place your hopes in a man that is not RESPONSIBLE, RESPECTFUL of God, and doesn’t see the need for a meaningful RELATIONSHIP. It’s possible to think there are no good men if you keep gravitating to no good men.

All of this development of Adam was done before he could ever lay his eyes on a woman. Also, Adam was ready for a woman BUT Eve was not ready for a man because she hadn’t been formed yet.

Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." The man finds a wife, not a women. That mean she's already a wife. She already see her husband as head of the household. She is already a submissive wife. A man is looking for a wife. Maybe you have not captured the eye of a "good man" because you have not become a wife.


Sisters, your Boaz, Ray-Ray, Andre, Tom or Cephus just may be ready….perhaps it’s you that’s not ready for him. Perhaps God is still shaping you.


Earnest & Roline