Wednesday, August 26, 2015

In spite of the craziness, today was a good day

Ut-Oh! I'm in trouble
I went to the church with my husband so that he could later take me to have blood work done at my rheumatologist’s office.. I figured I could get some work done while I waited for my husband to complete a few tasks. The blood work up should have been done by the second week of July. I had forgotten about it. Blame it on the tumor! LOL!

I was in my office working when my pain management doctor’s office called to see if I was okay. Why? I missed my appointment. Thankfully I was only a few blocks away. The catch: I had to drive myself because my husband was teaching the morning 9 am Bible Study. He was not happy because I will not be cleared to drive until January 2016. I usually do a good job writing down my appointments. This shows I see way too many doctors. I was in trouble.

When I made it back to the office, the thought of facing Earnest forced me to cope with my drug of choice. I needed a drink. A CokeHead under pressure is not a good combination, therefore I hit the can. LOL!

I felt good driving. The joy ride was therapeutic, lol! I almost stopped at a few stores until my pain reminded me that wasn't doable. Oh well!

After Earnest preached at our noonday service, he  brought me to have my blood work done. I'm was whipped! After singing "nobody knows the trouble I feel," He gave me a get out of jail free card for driving. I was going to blame it on the tumor anyway. Lol!

Thankfully Camille helped out today by picking up my meds from Wal-Mart. After driving a car today, I don't want to go back to my 5 mph Wal-Mart scooter-hog.  I now have a need for speed!

By 2 p.m. all of my energy was depleted. I did a bit much today. Since I was exhausted and in bed, took my chemo pills. They make me sick, but I got to do what I got to do.

With all of the craziness, I must admit, TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY. I had a good laugh at myself.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Marriage Retreat

As Covenant partners, God has called my husband and I to serve, mentor, and empower other marriages. Satan thought illness would distract us----not so! It is easy to use sickness as an excuse to not serve. My assignment and calling has not been nullified by God, He gives me the grace to do what He has called me to do. Please pray for a transforming experience and for traveling grace.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Another procedure.......

3 out of 8 injection sites from today.

Today I had a second procedure in relation to my spine problems and back spasms. I’ve had great back pain for several months. Months ago it was discovered I have 2 bulging disc in my spine. Also, the neurosarcoidosis may be the culprit affecting my spine. The first series of injections, totaling 6, were done June 8th. The earlier injections failed to give me relief. I had another series done today—6 injections into my upper back and 2 into my lower back. I didn't take pictures of the injections on my lower back because this lady is too classy for booty shots! 
 
The lower spine is not paining me, however my upper spine is very sore. By tomorrow I should feel relief. I pray this works, because I am hoping to avoid surgery.  Today, I’m taking it easy. Catherine cooked rice to go with gumbo from the freezer that Camille cooked last month.

Surprisingly my dad called today. He said he was calling just to see how I was doing. I must admit, I believe someone told him about my last blog. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and just receive the call for the intent he claims. I was very groggy from the meds, so I could not speak with him very long.
 

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Headache, drama, and the world continues to turn

I am experiencing a major headache today. It is one of the side effects of the chemo pills I take on Wednesdays. I’m doing my best not to complain, however, you’d think these headaches would be gone by now. At least I have experienced a day headache free. That gives me hope.

Yesterday, Aug. 12th was my sister’s birthday. Yesterday also was National Middle Child Day. There’s a “national day” for just about everything. SMH. For the first 50 years of my life, although I
had my suspicions, I thought I was the youngest child. Last year it was confirmed that I am the “middle child.”  I guess I should have been celebrating with my sister. LOL!
 
I am trying my best to not stress out over this situation, however, it’s very difficult. Stress is not a good thing for me and my recovery. My new found brother is not the issue. We have bonded and are cultivating our relationship. I hear from him frequently. I’ve forgiven my dad for cheating on my mom for 40 plus years. It was no surprise considering my upbringing. I have difficulty resolving the idea that my father continues to be a dead beat dad. I am so very disappointed in my dad’s actions, particularly since he has spoken harshly against other deadbeat fathers. Although I can do nothing to change what has happened in the past, I presently must honor my dad who still refuses to be a father to his son and who shows my sister and I no love or concern. My mother, his wife who I am caregiver of, he never calls or ask about. My mom has built a wall to try to protect the pain of feeling abandoned by him. Dementia has left her with no filter; she says what’s on her mind. It hurts my heart to see and hear her pain.
 
During this course of illness a lot of lies and secrets has been exposed. Drama has no respect of illness. I’m at the place where I pray there isn’t additional drama because I don’t know how much more I can take emotionally and physically. I have said many times, “who counsels the counselor?”  In spite of it all, I still love the Lord, and I know He is the one that keeps me sane. He is my Counselor! I don’t know what I would do without Him. It is important for me to serve others in spite of my personal drama.  I can only imagine the headaches being worse if I would sit down and mull over my problems.
 
So it’s worship and serving as usual. I’m still teaching and preaching the Word of God. I’m currently preparing for several engagements, one out of state, between now and the end of the month.  I speak to God and He speaks to me.  I can do all things through Christ……..including celebrating Middle Child Day!  I just encouraged myself…..With Christ, I can handle this! I need Thee because the world continues to turn.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Transformation Tuesday!


Here is my truth-The pictures were taken 1) Dec. 26,  2014 2) July 17, 2015. Yep, that’s just 7 months. Thanks to a high dosage of daily steroids my face is swollen, I'm retaining water, and gained a whopping 40lbs. I'm ready to evict the fat chick! Neurosarcoidosis and brain tumors suck! My daughter said my picture looks like it has been altered and widened! That was a nice way of saying "Dang momma, you are big!" LOL! I'm just THICKALICIOUS!
 
Why am I smiling in the most recent picture? Although the weight gain is upsetting and unsettling, it could be worse. I still trust God. This is for His glory, therefore it is well with my soul.

I am grateful to know that I’m happy in the skin I am in. The fat girl has emerged and I still love me!

Monday, July 27, 2015

Newsflash!

I may have aches and pains in my body, but TODAY is the first day I've gone the entire day without a headache in almost TWO YEARS!!! ‪#‎GRATEFUL‬ Even the "little things" are great!

Saturday, July 25, 2015

So You Want To Shoot Me in My Pinky Toe?

I love the scene in the movie “Harlem Nights” when the characters of Eddie Murphy and Della Reese fight.  In desperation and because he was getting whipped harder than a runaway slave, with his gun Eddie shoots Della in the pinky toe. I also love the scene in the sitcom “Good Times” after Florida Evans husband’s funeral where she drops the punch bowl and screamed out in grief.

What do these scenes have to do with my life? Well, either I broke my pinky toe or I have a really
bad sprain! When it happened, I screamed in my Florida Evans Voice, “DANG, DANG, DANG.” I’m walking with a cane, my foot is in a boot, my toes splinted and my daughter Catherine says, “I don’t mean to laugh at you but you look like that lady who got her toe shot off in Harlem Knights.”  She was right! We both had a good laugh.

After all I’ve been through over the past 6 months, I had to ask God what’s up? Who do I need to rid from my life? Who is it that I haven’t forgiven? What changes must I make in my life? Guess what God said to me-----not a mumbling word! I have a hard time dealing with his silence. However, during the silence I managed to encourage myself and tell myself to STAY FOCUSED! Okay, now I see what God was doing.

How did I manage to injure myself? What had happened was------ I’m going to my grave with that information. When I hurt myself, I do it big and in an unusual manner. LOL!  Earnest said I just want every part of my body injured. LOL!

I was determined come hell or high water, I was going to visit my mom today. I managed to make it to the nursing home, but I was a little nervous. As slow as I am moving with the cane, I didn’t want them to mistaken me for one of the residents and lock me in. LOL! I cut out the other optional activities that I was going to participate in on this day. I’m icing my toe, keeping it elevated, and laughing at myself.