One More Thing

One thing I’ve learned in all that I have been going through is “don’t ignore your body when it’s talking to you!” I’ve been experiencing additional challenges that has caused great concern for me, my family and the doctors. Funny, these challenges hasn’t stopped me from service. Thought I’d interject that for those who need to know God’s grace still works! Anyhoo, I had a brain and spine MRI done last Thursday.  I was to get the results of the test on tomorrow (Wednesday) during my visit with my doctor. Unfortunately the test showed another problem that need immediate attention and required my approval to be submitted to another specialist; therefore my doctor called first thing this morning and gave me a portion of the results. I had a shaking like a leaf moment and then I researched the internet to educate myself about this "one more thing."  WOW, this is really happening.

 

So, I am a little nervous about going to the doctor tomorrow, but I am glad to know the portion of the results that was shared. I already know to brace myself and I am ready to get to the appointment.  I’ll be getting full information tomorrow and then notifying my family before I share with all of you wonderful people that have helped to keep me going. Love you all dearly and please whisper a prayer for me.

 

A dear friend called and told me to keep calm and don’t stress. The only way I could achieve this was through the Word of God. I’ve been reading, meditating, and studying all day. I even started preparing a sermon. In spite of it all, it’s been a productive day!

In this raw picture of me some of my symptoms are prevalent. Here you see the darkness under the eyes and facial swelling (not as bad right now). It’s amazing what make-up can hide. At church, people are always encouraging and telling me how great I look. Inwardly, I’m thinking, “You just don’t know!” Make-up is a beast! It can hide a lot of pain. The good thing is, I can function without make-up and I can function in pain. GRACE is powerful!

Be blessed,
Roline

The process of test continues

Today, at 3:30 p.m.,  I had an MRI of my brain and spine done. The MRI was moved up from July

Divalicous in a scrub! The left was my
MRI chamber for 45 minutes.

because of new concerns about my health. Getting an MRI is not for the claustrophobic! I spent 45 minutes in the less than ideal cramped quarters. I have been having really bad back muscles spasms, so I took a muscle relaxer and pain pill before the procedure. As soon as I got on the table, the spasms got worse. I had to take a second dosage. It was hard to keep still for 45 minutes while my back muscles were twisting out of control. I’m glad the current tests are over. Now I have to wait until next Wednesday, 6 days, for the report. I am looking forward to the GOOD report!

After all those meds, I'm higher than the Eifel Tower. Time to "sleep it off." Nap time.

Where do I begin?

This past 2 weeks probably has been the worst weeks of my life. Yes, I hit my head 2 weeks ago, but that incident played little into my woes. Before the hit, I had been having increased headaches, fatigue, weakness, muscle spasms, shortness of breath during sleep, facial swelling and a slew of

Red-eye at the top, Swollen face on the right,
Still Divalicious at the bottom.

other symptoms. Once again cooking and cleaning has become foreign to me, but at least my home is looking decent. My left eye is still not functioning properly. It’s beginning to burn and become red from irritation. If I was a drinking woman, you’d say I had one too many “spirits.” LOL! My steroid daily dosage has been increased. The fat chick won’t be dying anytime soon. SIGH! I’m up 28 lbs and counting, but I’m still divalicious!

 

I was scheduled to have my postoperative follow-up MRI in July, however, my doctor has moved it up to this coming Thursday. I’ve also had blood work done. This is all in an effort to find out what is going on and to discover if the disease has spread to my spine. Ut-Oh! Nevertheless, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!.....I still can’t believe all this is happening! Next week, I return to the doctor to get the results of my test.

 

So why was the past few weeks my worst? While dealing with my health challenges, I slipped into a deep depression. Yep, I can work depression--- you didn’t know it, but those living under my roof saw it clearly. I know what the Word says, but that doesn’t change the fact that I went there! It does explain why I haven’t blogged in a minute. I didn’t sleep much, wouldn’t eat, cried a lot, and was in a funk! I wasn’t depressed about my health. I allowed deep family hurt to overwhelm me so much so that I came face to face with having to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I’m trusting God to work it out. I’m learning to just stand when I’ve done all I can. During the two weeks, my husband and children showed me just how much they loved me through their support and care. Tears are welling up in the corner of my “good eye” (LOL!) just thinking about their gentleness.

 

I am getting a clearer picture of this particular verse:

Romans 8:17-18 - and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. ¹⁸ For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

 

As I suffer with Christ, he gives me grace to do what he assigns me to do. He gives me the strength to serve. Sorry folk, I refuse to use “I need to rest” as an excuse to not do ministry. I get plenty of rest. Also, I am only operating in ministry at a fraction of what I did pre-illness. Jesus served while hanging from a cross. He did what he could do while in a circumstance of suffering. I’m just trying to be an imitator of Christ. I’m doing only what I can when I can while I can.

Love  to you all! - Roline

Ouch! I hit my head

First, I allowed myself to be stressed about something that is out of my control. It was something hurtful but I can’t do a thing about it. Also, the day has been full of my receiving news of several family members being hospitalized and/or treated at the emergency room.

 

I was still feeling somewhat sluggish the entire day. I didn’t realize I was out of my very much needed eye drops. I had my daughter to bring me to the store to buy more. Upon leaving the store, as I was getting into my daughter’s car I hit my head. I call it the “demon car,” because when I attempted to get into it, in my mind the roof lowered itself and hit my head while I was getting in at full speed. OUCH!! I literally saw flashing stars on impact. That car was trying to take me out! When we got home, I started feeling a little light headed…just a little bit. Currently I have a headache that’s out of this world. I took a pain pill, however, I am trying to stay awake so that I can monitor my body.  To add, the back muscle spasms wants a piece of me today! They spasms are no joke and they don't play fair! Uuuuggghhhh!! I declare, TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY!

 

Yes, I took a pic of me in pain and Catherine's demon car. When you see it,

you better hide your momma

and hide your babes,

because the demon car

wants to hit your head!  LOL!

 

 

Oh, Dear!

You know that old guy in the church whose hair is barely holding on? Every church has him. He’s either an usher, deacon, or choir member. Although his eyebrows and mustache is heavily gray, he is a faithful supporter of Miss. Clairol # 1 (jet black), and has a huge receding hairline with little hair fuzzes here and there that he refuses to cut off. You know where I’m going! I’M THAT GUY! LOL! I use to make fun of that guy, and now it’s me! OH, DEAR!  My hair is somewhat growing. That is, as much as it is growing, it is falling out. But, I do need a haircut! LOL!  I’m loving wearing head wraps. If I had known I would be this much into them, I would have not spent money on two wigs.

 

This last month I have been silently suffering. I started having sporadic muscle spasms in my back which my doctor thought was not related to the tumor. About 2 weeks ago I returned to the doctor in severe pain from the now frequent spasms. One of my meds was increased to help settle the spasm. It’s better, but now I am concerned about the root cause. The increase of meds has caused me to sleep more during the daytime. I am also still dealing with the facial palsy that is affecting my left eye. Some days my left eye drips water like a dieting fat guy sweating at an all you can eat buffet.

 

I’m learning to live with my new normal. I’m back to speaking and preaching. The doctor has given me suggestions of what to do before I speak to minimize pain and discomfort. Thus far the methods has worked. Sickness is no excuse to not serve! After all, this is for God’s glory.

 

Let's get back to the hair. The sunroof is still on deck, and the Red Sea is still parted. The pics posted from top to bottom shows the progression, with the bottom pic being taken today. I am so grateful to have a husband that really doesn’t seem to be bothered by my appearance. Talk about through thick and thin----we didn’t think it would apply to a hairdo! I am grateful to have a man who has inward substance. He loves me the way Christ loves the church ---- UNCONDITIONALLY! I’m blessed!

Be blessed,
Roline

Do you really want to help?

Written yesterday, 4/13/2015

Today was one of those days that I wasn't going to be afraid to ask for help. I was excited to get a

call from someone who asked, "do you need anything?" I replied I'm hungry, fatigued, home alone, and nothing is cooked! Just when I was about to ask her to bring me something to eat, she quickly cut me off and said, "go and get some rest" and then ended the conversation. Maybe I should have left the sob story out and spoken quicker. Lol!

I know most people are sincere, but stuff like this makes it hard for me to ask for help. This is not the first time this has happened during my illness. I've had people to say they were coming by, but were no shows nor called to alert me. SIGH!

So what's my current status: I'm hungry, fatigued, home alone with nothing cooked, therefore I'm plan to go to sleep, HOWEVER, my neighbor and church member Alindria Carroll responded to brought me dinner.

I am learning lessons on how to be a better servant. I have not been a good servant. The lesson for me today is to make sure when I offer service that I mean it. Sometimes it’s the spiritually correct thing to ask others if they need our assistance, but when we do not allow the ones we serve to respond with what their needs are, it is like extending a helping hand while keeping it in your pocket.

What's going on with me!

It’s been a long time since my last blog entry. A lot has been going on in my personal life. Physically, I am doing better. All four of my current doctors have encouraged me to get back to whatever possible normal activities, including preaching. I just have to “know my body” and rest when needed. To help with headaches, my doctor gave me a few tips on what to do before I speak. Yes, I still get headaches. I’m looking forward to the day when I am completely healed from them. I’m scheduled to have another MRI done in June. I still have a “tumor sheet” that must be monitored. Because my concentration and memory has gotten better, I have returned as the Director of the Soul Care Counseling Ministry of my church. I’ll be back on the road, with my faithful husband/driver, ministering in conference this week. I’ve been attending church worship service sporadically, but more frequently.  

 

The Sunroof!

My facial muscles, seems to be regressing, therefore I’ve started my speech therapy exercises again. My hair is slowly growing back. The “sunroof” on top of my head is slowly filling in, except in the area of the “parting of the Red Sea” incision. Check out the picture. I’m not feeling this natural hair. My preference is the creamy crack! I’m addicted. Unfortunately, it will be a long time before I can put products in my hair, so we shall see if this natural hair grows on me. And when did I get all of this grey????? I thought I was a blonde! Blame it on the tumor! LOL! I AM NOT MY HAIR--- just wish I didn't have this jacked-up do! LOL!

 

In the upcoming days I will share some of the past pics and thoughts from my journey. I hadn’t posted it because during this recovery time I was having great difficulty writing and staying focused, As I look back on some of the stuff I did I can’t help but laugh at my silliness and praise God for bringing me thus far!